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If you don't understand these 6 things, don't meet the parents#

Blind dates still require a formula. A blind date is not about finding a partner; choice is greater than effort. At least half of the girls still think that blind dates are just an opportunity for you to pursue me.

The 73 Rules of Blind Dating (strictly speaking, the 71 Rules)

• After 3 active messages with no positive response, end it.
• After 3 active meeting requests with no successful meeting, end it.
• After 3 successful meetings with no confirmed relationship, end it.
• After 3 meetings with expenses incurred and no initiative from you, end it.
• If you meet 3 times within 3 weeks with no physical contact, end it.
• If you don't confirm the relationship within 3 months, end it.
• If you have been dating for 3 months without meeting each other's parents, end it.

These 7 rules progress step by step; meeting one condition allows you to move to the next, but failing any immediately ends it, negating all previously met conditions.

(The following terms are all dismissive excuses: slow to warm up / reserved / chemistry / testing / attitude / sincerity / no feelings / don't understand me / not caring / won't comfort / fear of getting hurt / need for security / ambition / try again / emotional value / economical / see the end at a glance.)

Getting a marriage certificate means that both parties are legally recognized as a protected marital relationship. Holding a wedding is a ceremonial marriage. Although just holding a wedding does not constitute a legal marriage, Chinese people place more importance on the wedding ceremony.

You can decide whether to get the marriage certificate first or hold the wedding based on the couple's wishes.

What is the difference between engagement and betrothal?

1. Betrothal

Betrothal, commonly known as "dowry," requires the man to bring certain gifts and a betrothal gift to the woman's home to establish a written or verbal marriage agreement.

2. Engagement

Engagement is more formal than betrothal, indicating that both families have reached an agreement regarding the marriage of their children. An engagement banquet is usually held to announce the upcoming marriage to relatives and friends. Additionally, items like the bride price and the "three golds" are given during the engagement.

Betrothal was an important wedding custom in ancient times, but it is not commonly seen in modern weddings. Let me introduce the traditional betrothal process.

1. Discussing the Betrothal
   The discussion mainly covers "small gifts."

The betrothal gifts include "four red envelopes" or "six red envelopes" (four to six pieces of silk clothing), gold rings, and gold earrings.

The betrothal money includes small gifts of thirty-six, medium gifts of sixty-four, and large gifts of one hundred and twenty (silver coins).

The number of food items is "sixty-four," meaning 64 pairs of dumplings, 64 oil buns, 64 sesame cakes, etc.

2. Exchange of Betrothal Certificates
   During the betrothal, the man must carry the aforementioned gifts in a sedan chair to the woman's home. At the same time, the man must present a "betrothal letter," commonly known as "red and green paper" (two layers of paper, red on the outside and green on the inside), and the woman sends back a "return letter" to acknowledge it, commonly known as "formal engagement."

Engagement Process

1. Parents' Meeting
   Before the engagement, the parents of both parties need to meet to discuss the engagement process, related taboos, and matters concerning the bride price and betrothal gifts.

2. Presenting the Marriage Bride Price

3. Exchanging Engagement Gifts
   Generally, the man presents gifts to the woman first, and the woman then reciprocates. The man will prepare the bride price and the "three golds," while the woman needs to return part of the bride price and give the man a few sets of clothing and shoes, symbolizing care and warmth.

4. Wearing Engagement Rings
   During the engagement ceremony, the man will place the engagement ring on the woman's left hand's ring finger, symbolizing the formal establishment of their marriage agreement.

5. Engagement Banquet
   The engagement banquet is usually hosted by the woman's family, inviting close relatives and friends. The couple must toast to each guest after the banquet begins, accepting their blessings and expressing gratitude.

What to prepare for the engagement?
1. Items the man needs to prepare for the engagement

① Bride Price

The amount of the engagement bride price should consider local customs and the man's family's economic conditions, preferably with auspicious numbers like 2, 5, 6, or 8, such as 8800 (wealth rolling in), 9900 (long-lasting), 10001 (one in a million), 180000 (many colors), etc. The bride price should be wrapped in red paper.

② Betrothal Gifts

Betrothal gifts are generally divided into six-piece, eight-piece, and twelve-piece sets. The man can choose based on his conditions or directly use red envelopes as substitutes. Note that all gifts must be in even numbers👇.

📌 Six-item gift list

Type one: pork, fish, wine, sugar, vermicelli, dessert.

Type two: wedding cakes, ceremonial candles and firecrackers, candies, gold jewelry, bridal attire, pork.

Type three: cigarettes, wine, sugar, tea, red envelopes, jewelry.

📌 Eight-item gift list: cigarettes, wine, sugar, tea, mackerel, pork leg, ceremonial cakes, hen.

📌 Twelve-item gift list: large cakes, ceremonial cakes, rice cakes, ceremonial candles and firecrackers, candies, gold jewelry, four-color candies, pork, duck hen, fresh fish and live chicken, wine, noodles.

③ Banquet Gifts

The engagement banquet is usually hosted by the woman's family. The more formal man can estimate the approximate price of the banquet and then give a red envelope to the woman's family.

④ Matchmaker's Gift (same for the woman)

If the couple was introduced by a matchmaker, a red envelope should be given to the matchmaker, commonly known as "thank you for the match." If the matchmaker does not accept money, good cigarettes, wine, or other gifts can be prepared.

⑤ Man's Family and Friends

The engagement banquet invites close relatives and friends. The man's parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and other relatives should attend. However, if the engagement ceremony is relatively simple, the man can only invite a few respected elders and close relatives, avoiding a large crowd, ideally matching the number of the woman's guests.

⑥ Jewelry

**Engagement Ring💍 ** The engagement ring is bought by the man for the woman, and only one is needed. In front of family and friends, the man places the engagement ring on the woman's finger, making a marriage promise, announcing the upgrade of their relationship and identity, which is very ceremonial.

**Three Golds/Five Golds👑 ** Includes gold necklaces, gold earrings, gold rings, gold bracelets, and gold pendants, generally given to the woman along with the bride price during the engagement. This is a formality that shows the man's sincerity in preparing to marry the bride.

Items the woman needs to prepare for the engagement****
① Return Gifts

The woman's return gifts for the engagement usually consist of four items: a belt, leather shoes, a tie, and a shirt. The woman's return gifts mainly depend on the amount of the man's bride price. If the man's bride price is high, the woman can add some cash, jewelry, or local specialties and health products in addition to clothing.

② Engagement Banquet

The engagement banquet is generally prepared by the woman's family, which can be held at a hotel or simply at home. However, in some regions, the man is fully responsible, depending on local customs, so it's best to ask the elders around.

③ Engagement Ceremony Items

• Tea and fruits (dried lychee, dried longan, dried walnuts, raw peanuts);
• A pair of lotus roots, cypress, red envelopes, taro, ginger, and pomegranate;
• Two packs of noodles, symbolizing the long-lasting nature of married life;
• Candies or white sugar, symbolizing a sweet life;
• Tea ceremony items, fresh flowers, balloons, pastries, wedding books, and other decorative items.

④ Guest Reception Items

The woman also needs to prepare some gifts for the guests, mainly wedding candies, desserts, red envelopes, cigarettes, wine, and engagement cakes.

Main Process of the Engagement Ceremony

1. Ancestor Worship

Before the groom heads to the bride's home, he must first worship his ancestors, symbolizing the hope that his ancestors will bless his marriage.

2. Distributing Cakes

The woman distributes engagement cakes to relatives and friends, and the bride cannot eat her own cake.

3. Departure

On the day of the engagement, the man must carry the bride price and set off with firecrackers to the woman's home or engagement hotel. The people going to the woman's home should be older relatives and friends of the man, and the number of people and gift cars should be even.

4. Meeting of Both Families

If the parents of both parties have not met before the engagement, the man needs to introduce both parents to each other upon arriving at the woman's home or hotel.

5. Welcoming Guests
   Inform guests in advance about the time of the engagement banquet and the location of the banquet hotel, personally welcoming them on the day and inviting them to take their seats.

6. Matchmaker's Speech

The matchmaker is an important figure witnessing the development of the couple's relationship. If there is no matchmaker, a friend of the couple can be invited to speak, mainly to share the couple's love story and blessings.

7. Greeting Elders

The couple should introduce each other to their respective relatives and friends, then serve tea and greet them. If the couple needs to change their titles during the engagement, it should also be done at this stage.

8. Exchanging Gifts

If both families have previously agreed on the bride price, the man can present the bride price and other gifts to the woman during the engagement ceremony, and the woman should also reciprocate.

9. Parents' Speech

Seeing their child getting engaged, parents will have many feelings to express. During the parents' speech segment, they can share their thoughts and send blessings to the couple.

10. Toasting

After the engagement ceremony, the banquet can officially begin. The couple and their parents, as hosts, should properly entertain the guests and toast to each one.

Order of Proposal, Engagement, and Marriage
The order should be proposal first, then betrothal, followed by engagement, and finally marriage.

The man first proposes to the woman and gets her consent, then prepares gifts and brings his parents to the woman's home for the betrothal. The two families then start discussing the engagement details and prepare for the engagement. After the engagement, they enter the wedding preparation phase, and finally, they get married.

Step 1: Proposal
Once the romantic relationship is stable and both parties have successfully navigated their adjustment period, if they confirm that they want to spend their lives together, the man can prepare for the proposal, formally expressing his desire to be together for life.

📌 Step 2: Meeting Parents
After the man successfully proposes, he can take the woman to meet each other's parents, starting to understand both families.

📌 Step 3: Betrothal
After meeting the parents, if both families are satisfied with each other, the man can propose to the woman's family. Once the betrothal is successful, they can begin discussing engagement details and wedding dates.

📌 Step 4: Engagement
After the betrothal, an engagement banquet is usually held on an auspicious date to announce to relatives and friends that the two families are about to form a union. Once engaged, it means that the marriage agreement between the couple is established, and the marriage is essentially settled.

📌 Step 5: Marriage
Marriage is the ceremony that informs relatives and friends that the couple has officially become husband and wife and established a small family, usually calculated based on the couple's birth dates to determine the most suitable wedding date.

What gifts should the man prepare for the engagement?

1. Bride Price
   During the engagement, the man should give the woman a certain amount of bride price, not too much, mainly to show his sincerity and to seek good fortune for the marriage.

2. Betrothal Gifts
   Betrothal gifts are divided into six-item, eight-item, and twelve-item sets, generally including chicken, duck, fish, meat, cigarettes, wine, tea, desserts, ceremonial candles, and firecrackers, depending on local customs.

3. Clothing and Jewelry
   When the son gets engaged, he should also prepare clothing and jewelry for the woman. Jewelry usually refers to traditional three golds or five golds (gold rings, gold necklaces, gold earrings, gold bracelets, gold pendants), which can be directly given to the woman in cash.

4. Matchmaker's Gift
   If the couple was introduced by a matchmaker, a gift should also be prepared to thank the matchmaker for their introduction.

5. Engagement Ring
   Engagement is also a relatively important ceremony, and the man needs to prepare an engagement ring for the woman to express his sincere love.

Engagement can be held 2-3 months after the proposal. The proposal is a sign of respect, recognition, and importance to the woman, and it is a commitment of love before marriage.

The proposal ceremony can be simple or grand. After the girl agrees to the proposal, both families can start discussing the wedding details and can begin arranging the engagement banquet.